


I might lose you

by amypond633



Series: I dont want the world, i want you [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Aquaphobia, Battle Couple, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Sickfic, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 11:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11758785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amypond633/pseuds/amypond633
Summary: Alec and Magnus haven't seen each other since the downworld meating, and now with the war against valentine wageing around them, them both begin to realize what they could soon loose forever.





	1. Chapter 1

Alec~  
The battle raged around Alec, he had lost sight of his siblings when Jace and Clary had run after Valentine, and Izzy had been separated from him somewhere down the beach. He saw downworlders he recognized fighting next to him, werewolf s from Luke's pack and worlocks that Magnus had once introduced him too.  
The thought of Magnus brought Alec to a stop. He knew the worlock would be fighting along with everyone else, but he hadn't really stopped to think about it. Magnus was somewhere out there fighting, and Alec wasn't with him.  
He could be hurt, or worse.  
Pulling away from the fight Alec began to scan the crowd of soldiers fighting in front of him. There was no sign of his boyfriend. As panic began to eat at Alec he started running through the fight, killing demons and circle members as he went.  
Alec reached and area where the fight had thinned and few people littered the beach. He ran next to the water scanning for any signs of Magnus.  
He felt his heart stop as he noticed red fabric sticking out of the sand. Racing forward Alec picked the omamori up and clutched it for dear life. Magnus wouldn't just leave it sitting in the sand, he must have dropped it.  
So absorbed by the possiblilities of what happened to Magnus, Alec didn't hear the dragon flying up from behind him.

Magnus~  
Everything had happened so fast, every living downworlder that Magnus knew was caught up in the fight. Even Tessa was fighting alongside Dot and Catariana. The only worlocks missing were Madzie, who Magnus had sent away, and Malcolm who she was with.  
Magnus used all his power to destroy any demon that came close, playing the defence, running the outskirts of the fight along the beach. Subconciously watching ever tall black haired man he saw, tracing the source of every arrow shot.  
He hadn't seen Alec since the downworlder meating with the seelie queen. He could feel every regret catching up with him from that day. Knowing that the queen was working with Valentine and that he had chosen her over Alec was become the biggest refer of his life.  
He caught a glimpse of Izzy at one point, as well as Jace. Both seemed okay, and Jace would show if Alec was hurt.  
Magnus was so caught up in looking for Alec that he didn't see the demon behind him. It grabbed his shoulder and threw him to the ground. It grabbed his hands, before Magnus could begin to use his magic, and yanked him back up. With his hands behind his back Magnus was helpless.  
The demon began to pull him across the beach and towards the water. The waves lapped at Magnus' feet and true terror began to set in. Ever since he was little Magnus was terrified of bodies of water, he could hardly swim a pool without having a panic attack.  
He was completely frozen as the water began to reach his hips. A thousand knives seemed to be stabbing into him all at once, and he could do nothing about it.  
As he was pulled back by the demon, Magnus thought he felt his arm being pulled out of its socket, but he was too numb to know for sure. He had gone completely limp in the demons hold, his glamor had even dropped showing his true eyes to the world, not that he was thinking about that.  
All Magnus could think about was the last time he saw Alec, his wonderful Alexander. He had been so cold to him. Not saying a word, and avoiding eye contact. Alec had looked so broken underneath his head of the institute facade. It was a look only Magnus would recognize and yet his did nothing. He acted like the queens perfect little lap dog.  
Just as the demon pulled Magnus under the waves, he thought he heard a scream. It could have been himself, so scared and gone that he was screaming without even knowing it. But just as the waves covered his head the demon let go, with his hands free Magnus began to regain his abilities to function.  
He tried to push himself back above the waves, to get to dry land. But it was too deep, and Magnus was never a good swimmer without his crippling fear of water. The only thing keeping him pushing to get up was the thought of Alec as he walked away, how sad and betrayed he looked. But ever that couldn't give Magnus the ability to suddenly swim.  
Just as the last of his energy gave up, and he began to accept his fate, strong hands grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and pulled him up. He was being drug back to land, his rescuer realizing how unable to help Magnus was stopped half way there and picked him up bridal style, carieing him the rest of the way. Instead of stopping once on land, his rescuer carried him up the beach a ways and away from the water. Unknowingly stepping over the omamori that had fallen from Mangus' pocket when he was first grabbed.  
Once he was set down, Magnus began to come back to him self. He was able to breath and began taking in his surroundings. They had moved away from the fight, and he was know on grass instead of sand. Above him sat luke, looking more tired that Magnus had ever seen him.  
"How are you feeling?" his voice was gentle, the same on Magnus had heard him use on cubs, and Clary.  
"Like a drowned rat" Magnus tried to laugh, it made him cough.  
"Carefull, you tried to swallow the entire lake back there" Luke placed a hand on his back as he tried to sit up. "What happened? I saw you go under and killed the demon with my gun, but you didn't come up."  
"How long was I out of it?" Magnus looked up worried  
"We've been here about ten minuets." luke looked out at the fight "i couldn't just leave you, and you just kept laying there muttering about Alec every know and then."  
Magnus looked at him quickly  
" I think he's okay" luke reassured "I saw him down in the fight before I saw you get pulled under. There wasn't a scratch on him."  
"I need to find him"  
"Magnus wait" luke tried grabbing him and Magnus stood up "you are in no condition to go back into that fight."  
"This is a war lucian, I can't let Alec, my Alexander, fight alone. I have to find him."

Alec~  
The dragon grabbed him from behind, throwing him to the ground and spitting flames around him. Alec scrambled to his feet, and tried to loud his bow, it was closed enough for a clean shot.  
The dragon had other plans, it takes its talons across Alec's chest, almost ripping him off the ground. It was too fast for him to pause to loud so Alec turned and ran. Hoping that some one shot it down before it got to him.  
He pressed the omamori to the now bleeding cuts on his chest, trying the think of Magnus as he ran. He could feel the fire licking at his feet as he went, sending waves of feet through him. So Alec thought of Magnus,of happy memories to distract him from the pain. He imagined all the good times payed out in front of him, if he just kept running, went a little faster he would reach them, reach Magnus.  
He thought about their first kiss, how scared he had been of his parents reaction, but so excited to finally kiss Magnus. He thought of their first date, and when he decided that he would never judge Magnus on his past no matter what. He thought of their first time together, how he had made Magnus loose control so much his glamor dropped. He thought of their trip to Tokyo and how Magnus had forced him into that photobooth, they had taken three different stripps worth of pictures until Magnus was happy with the small photos. Alec thought they had all look amazing, because Magnus was in them.  
The fire ripped up his back causing Alec to fall, to turned to face his death. Ready like any good shadowhunters would be, to die in battle. But all he felt was fear.  
As the dragon reared up, ready to kill, a ball of flame came from behind Alec's head. It collided with the dragon, combating in midair and turning into a second sun for a moment.  
And then it was gone. Alec watched the spot it had been, still filled with fear, his heart beating to fast, his thoughts a jumble a Magnus and death and fear.  
Arms came around him, pulling him into someone's. Magic began to flow around Alec, healing the burns and clawmarks on his chest and back.  
The blue flames that would never hurt him, don't cease once his wounds were healed. The continued to wrap around Alec until his heart had calmed and he could think clearly.  
Hands, covered in rings that Alec loved to play with, rested on his chest. He smiled, Magnus was sitting behind him, and know he realized sopping wet.  
"Why are you wet?" of all the thing to say, Alec cured himself.  
"I felt like going for a swim." Magnus smiled down at him.  
Their eyes met, both still filled with fear, but both still alive. All the anger, and sadness, and loss that they had felt began to melt away, leaving only room for love.  
Alec closed his eyes and leaned into Magnus. His heart was still too fast and he couldn't really breath.  
The reality of their situation began to crash down on him all at once. There was still a fight going on, his siblings and friends where still out there fighting, probably hurt. He had almost died, judging buy Magnus' reaction something bad had happened to him.  
"Shhhh, its alright Alexander." Magnus' voice broke through the panic. "Its gonna be alight my love.  
At the use of his full name and Alec favorite pet name he let out a sob. Curling farther into Magnus, trying to calm down.  
"W-we should go-go and fig-fight Mags"  
"We don't have to my love."  
"But if-if something hap-happens to them!" he pulled away and looked in Magnus' eyes. Panic filled the ocean blue that Magnus loved.  
"Nothing will Alexander, I promise."  
"You can't"  
Magnus smiled, "what makes you so sure?"  
He looked up, guiding Alec to do the same. They looked at where the battle had been, now every demon seemed to have disappeared and only one or two circle members where dumb enough to try to keep fighting.  
As Alec watched, a figure began running towards them. He badly had time to realize it was her before Izzy was landing on top of Alec and pulling him and Magnus into a hug.  
"I saw Jace and Clary, their fine." she said pulling back "they went to help the packs go through the bodies and find anyone still alive."  
"Good" Alec smiled "and you're okay?"  
"I'm fine, I promise. You're the one lying on the ground clinging to you boyfriend." she laughed.  
"Dont worry isabell, I've already seen to your brothers physical wounds, we're just comeing down from the fight." Magnus smiled.  
Relizing what she had run in on Izzy stood up. "I'm gonna help Jace and Clary." she turned to Magnus "you take care of my brother!"  
He laughed "I promise"  
Alec turned back into Magnus buringing his face into his chest.  
"Your still wet" he mumbled with a smile.  
"Home?" Alec noded yes and fell asleep.

Magnus~  
Alec was obviously exhausted, but Magnus thought he would have been able to make it home at least. Running on leftover adrenaline himself, Magnus shaking got up, talking Alec with him, and opened a portal.  
Once back in the loft, Magnus went strait for the bedroom. Placing Alec on the bed before sliding in next to him, they could wait till tomorrow to change and clean up.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec woke up to quiet mutterings beside him. He didn't know how he got home, or in bed. He remembered laying against Magnus on the beach, the fight a fast valentine finally won.  
Surely he was kicked in the shin.  
"Owch, Magnus!" Alec reached over the push him, only to stop as Magnus started muttering again, this time louder.  
Alec watched as he was pulled into what must have been a nightmare. Magnus continued to kick and mutter, speaking in a language that Alec couldn't understand.  
"Magnus?" he reached for the worlock flaling arm. "Magnus wake up, its just a dream."  
"tidak tidak sayang tidak!" Magnus pulled away screaming.  
"Magnus! Its okay, its Alec I'm right here. Just wake up for me please." Alec pleaded, trying to take Magnus' hand again.  
This time it worked, Alec pulled himself closer and kissed the clenched fist. Magnus began to calm down, he stopped talking and turned towards Alec.  
"Magnus? Can you hear me?"  
Yellow eyes soon opened, black slits peared hazyly at Alec.  
"There you are" Alec whispered.  
Carefully he reached up and brushed a strand of hair off of Magnus' face. He pulled back as he rubbed the skin. "Magnus! You're Bring up!" placing the back of his hand on Magnus' forehead Alec could only guess his temperature was in the hundreds.  
"Damn it Magnus," he muttered getting out of bed.  
"Where are you going 'zander?" Magnus reached for his hand "don't leave me" Alec could see tears forming in his eyes.  
"I'm not leave to promise," Alec held his hand up and kissed it. "I'm gonna go into the kitchen and then ill be right back, alright love?"  
Magnus noded, but didn't let go of Alec's hand. Gently Alec pulled his hand away and slipped out of the room.  
He assumed Magnus was sick because of being soaked in the lake and standing outside for who knows how long, Alec didn't even think he had changed out of his wet clothes when they got home.  
Comeing back into the bedroom Alec found Magnus curled up on his side, clinging to Alec's pillow. Tears streamed down his face.  
"Magnus? Can you turn over for me?" Alec sat next to Magnus and placed his supplies on the bedside table.  
Magnus turned over and look confused at Alec.  
"You came back?" it was badly a wisper, but it broke Alec's heart.  
"Of course my love, I could never not Come back to you."  
Alec reached over and pulled the hand towel out of a bowl of ice water.  
"I'm so sorry Magnus" he placed the towel on Magnus forehead, and cringed as Magnus cried out in pain.  
"Alexander stop!" he wimpered, growing to pull away from the cold.  
"Shhh, in know it hurts, I'm so sorry. Its going to be alright." Alec held Magnus down with his free hand, the worlock being so weak it hardly took any strength.  
Alec kept up the cold water, and checked his temperature every few minuets. Once Magnus was cool enough not to be in any dange, Alec pulled the towel away.  
"How do you feel?" he stroked Magnus' arm as he talked.  
"I'm cold"  
Alec pulled the blanket up higher, "better?"  
"Mmm"  
"Ill be right back"  
Alec got up and took the bowl and towel back to the kitchen.  
"Alexander!!" the scream ripped through the loft.  
Alec ran. Back to Magnus in the bed room. He threw the door open and rushed inside.  
Magnus was clinging to Alec's pillow again and sobbing. Alec rushed over to him and pulled the worlock into his arms.  
"Shhhh, what is it Magnus? What's wrong?"  
Magnus held him back, clinging to Alec as he cried.  
"Please don't leave me Alec!" he burried his face into Alec's neck. "I don't want to lose you! I don't want to be alone!"  
"I won't leave I promise! I'm right here Magnus, you won't be alone." Magnus continued to cry for what could have been hours. Alec held him through it all, talking to him the entire time, never letting go. Finally Magnus fell asleep in Alec's arms. Carefully he laid them both down, following Magnus into a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a few days for Magnus to be back to normal, Alec didn't leave the loft once. Always staying by his side, making sure Magnus ate and took care of himself.  
The nightmares continued each night, Alec would hold Magnus until he fell asleep ever time. He never spoke in English when he dreamed, but Alec recognized the words after the first few nights. He hated not being able to stop whatever was haunting his love.  
Alec had gotten up early to make breakfast, it had always been Magnus making breakfast before everything. And just being alone in the kitchen had caused his to break down the first morning. He powered through it though, and always served breakfast with a smile.  
We was making eggs and bacon, Magnus favorite. He had been feeling better and Alec could feel the conversation he had been dreading come in cup on him.  
"Good morning" Magnus stumbled into the kitchen.  
"How do you feel?" Alec asked  
"Better" Magnus smiled " Espetialy since I had the hottest nurse on the planet taking care of me."  
"The whole planet?"  
"Yep"  
Magnus hugged Alec from behind as he went back to making the eggs. They stayed like that for a while, even after Alec had moved the pan off the heat. Neither wanting to conphront the inevitable. After some time, Alec felt his shoulder getting wet where Magnus had hurried his face. Carefull not to seperate Alec turned around. "Magnus? Whats wrong?" Alec held him close, rubbing his back as he talked.

"I'm sorry," Magnus sniffed "I just love you so much, and it hurts." he pulled away to look into Alec's eyes. "I made a mistake, I gave up the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. And yet your still here, you've taken care of me for days now even after everything I did to you." He stepped away quickly and leaned against the counter, looking down at his feet. "I love you, and I don't deserve you. I don't know why you're still here." he was openly crying now, and Alec thought he himself was on the verge as well.

"You're not the only one who made a mistake Magnus. And I would never leave you alone, Espetialy when you were as sick as you were." he stepped a little closer. "You deserve so many good things Magnus, you deserve someone much better than me. And I could never deserve someone as wonderful as you. I just wish I could go back in time and hurt everyone who ever made you think you didn't deserve the best." he took a deep breath "we both made some pretty big mistakes, and we both are gonna need time to heal from everything that happened. We both have families that need us right now, and we have jobs that are gonna take a lot out of us." he laughed "Espetialy with all the time we just took off." Magnus smiled "I love you so much Magnus, and I forgave you so long ago for everything. I honestly just want to go back to be the best power couple in New York." "Power couple?" Magnus laughed

"Clarys words not mine" "I forgave you as well Alexander, it took a little longer that it should have. But I trust you, and I love you and we will make this work."

Alec smiled, stepping forward he pulled Magnus in to their first kiss in what felt like months. It felt just like their very first, so full of hope and possibilities, their future layed out in front of them full of love and joy, and all things good. They laughed into the kiss, so happy to be back in the comport of the others safe and healthy arms after so long.

Magnus stepped back "do you think we could take one more day off?"

"Anything for you my love." Alec laughed.


End file.
